We were in two minds about writing this as we appreciate that the loss of a baby during pregnancy is a sensitive subject that many people may not talk about or wouldn’t want to share, hear or read. We definitely do not want to cause any offence to others by choosing to share our story, and would like to make it clear that this is a real and honest post about our experience and writing this has helped us in the healing process.
In the beginning we had three months of shock, excitement, planning, organising and teaching our little boy, Mason, to say baby. As time went on, we wondered how we would announce to all of our family and friends that I was carrying a new little life, that we were going to become the proud parents of two and our precious first born was to become a big brother…
The picture above was us proudly thinking we were completing our family minutes before the long awaited ultrasound that ruined it all.
This little life that we had made future plans for, that my body grew to protect, had not grown in to the beautiful bouncing baby we should be cradling come October.
Over the next 12 days we held our perfectly rounded bump and watched as it slowly faded.
We weren’t prepared for the physical and mental torture that miscarriage brought with it. Grief, sadness and many tears followed and questions were left unanswered.
20th April 2017, 7pm…
In five days we would have a hospital appointment praying something may have changed, but instead, things went from bad to worse.
Unexpectedly, I was hit with a huge loss of blood, followed by a rush of paramedics and an ambulance drive that seemed all a-blur.
After several hours of pain, drips, examinations, blood tests and cannulas in my arms, I was still losing massive amounts of blood.
At 2:30am I was taken for emergency surgery.
Hours later I come round from the general anaesthetic. I peeled off the oxygen mask and Gaz was there holding my hand.
I touched my empty belly and my eyes filled with tears, our baby was gone.
We were now parents to an angel.
There’s not enough thanks in the world for the people who dropped everything to be with us, to look after our boy and just be there to support us through our heart break.
To the most amazing nurses and theatre staff who never get the recognition they deserve, you were all incredible and looked after us so well. We will forever and always be grateful for your care.
Our little angel fly high. Mummy, Daddy and Mason will love you forever xxx
“An angel in the book of life wrote down our baby’s birth, then whispered as she closed the book, too beautiful for earth”
If you have been affected by pregnancy loss and would like to find out more about the support available, please us the following links.